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"...I freely lay down my life. And so I am free to take it up again. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my own free will..."

The Message –  John 10:17-18

Left: The Porter Tribe at Heathrow airport in London, on route for New Zealand 2019. We now have 3 children.

Where are you sacrificing?

Rob Porter  |  4 min read (with questions)

"You'll have a tale or two to tell when you come back"


"You can promise that I will come back?"


"No. And if you do, you will not be the same"


J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

A few weeks ago my close friend Chris asked a group of men this question…

Where are you sacrificing?

After thinking it over, my heart went to a decision in 2019, where we decided to move as a family to New Zealand from the UK.

My wife PJ (originally from New Zealand) had been desiring to live there again and felt that she would regret not doing it (this caught my attention). There were lot's of questions asked, wisdom sought, revelation revealed, and logistics that had to fall into place. 

In-short, we discerned that we were being led into a wild adventure, and so we took a risk toward an invitation. It was the biggest decision together since being married.

Having lived here in New Zealand for almost 4 years now, I can tell you that it has had its joys and also its traumas...

The joy

  • The joys of exploring a new country together as a family, building stronger relational connections with my wife's family, and the joy of observing the deep internal growth in and through us as we continue to risk.

The trauma

  • The trauma of leaving all my close friends and family was and is brutal, the tearing of root systems has been a grief I’m continuing to journey through.

So, what am I learning about this decision through the question: where are you sacrificing?

Well, for one, as I'm writing these words I'm led to some new questions...

  • Who am I becoming through the sacrifice?

  • What is it teaching me?

  • What is it showing me?

  • Where is it inviting me?

  • What am I believing?

What I discovered I was believing a few weeks ago...

I realised there were parts of me expecting a return on the sacrifice I made in moving to New Zealand. Those parts wanted a return on the investment. Those parts are expecting a return. This was very revealing and helpful.

What I'm learning...

  • There is a cost to sacrifice (In my case, the pain of missing people I care deeply about, the familiarity and history of my story in my home country)

  • I need to walk with kindness and compassion toward the parts of me that grieve, and to allow room to feel and acknowledge the pain.

  • To self-sacrifice means you willingly give up something with no agenda or expectation of a return.

  • I made a choice to allow my wife’s desire to become a reality and that is a choice and a sacrifice that I will not regret.

  • It is a gift to become more aware of what I was believing, truly.  I needed this part of me to be exposed so that it can be healed and aligned into a more truer reality.

These mind-set upgrades have brought me more peace as I learn to let go of expectation and to embrace the good that continues to unfold wherever I am and whatever I'm doing, whether with much or with little.

A few questions to be curious about...

  1. What does sacrifice mean to you? 

  2. Where are you sacrificing but expecting something in return?

  3. Where might there be opportunity to consider letting go of expecting a return?

  4. If you are sacrificing something, what is it teaching you? Revealing to you? Exposing to you?

  5. Who are you becoming through sacrificing?


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